Monday, October 13, 2014

THEM

It's the morning dash. Trying to get myself and everything ready. 
Breakfast has been served, lunches made, bags by the door and now my hair has air dried and I'm ready to put my makeup on. 


I look in the mirror, grab my eye pencil and there they are again. 

THEM. 

The voices. 

The condemnation. 
The shame. 
They chatter amongst themselves and to me. 
Do their best to rip me to shreds and tear me down till there's nothing left. 

I used to think I was free. I struggle every day with these voices from the past. 
I breathe, put lipstick on, put a smile on and walk away. 

Tomorrow morning... they'll be there again.


Monday, July 21, 2014

Broccoli Salad

Broccoli Salad

This is always a hit at potlucks, family gatherings, and even as a meal for vegetarian night.



Ingredients:
1 bunch of broccoli, chopped (do not use stems)
12 pieces of cooked bacon, crumbled
1 bunch of red seedless grapes (halved)
1/2 cup of sunflower seeds
1 small red onion, chopped finely

Mix all these ingredients in a large salad bowl

Sauce to put on just before serving:
2 TB red wine vinegar
1/3 cup of sugar
1 cup of Hellman's mayo

Mix very well, spread and mix over the salad.

I've found this is great just marinating for an hour or so in the fridge.

Toss a bit and you're ready!!










Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Vegetable Curry


This is a recipe I adapted from Londyn at Blogfood.

We have this about once or twice a month.

It's hearty and delicious.

Ingredients:

  1.  2 T  curry powder ( I use about 2.5 TB)
  2.       1.5 t garam masala ( I make my own )
  3. 4 T vegetable oil
  4. 3 garlic cloves minced
  5. 1 T grated ginger
  6. 1 dried chile pepper, diced
  7. 1 T tomato paste
  8. 1 large onion, minced
  9. 2-4  small gold potatoes, cubed
  10. 1/2 cauliflower cut in florets or a small head of cauliflower
  11. 1 can diced tomato (we only use RO-TEL)
  12. 1.25 cups water
  13. 1 can chickpeas, drained
  14. 1/4 cup frozen peas or more
  15. 1/4 cup of heavy cream
  16. salt
Directions:
 
Toast curry and garam masala in stock pot until fragrant (1-2 min).  Add 1 T oil and ingredients 4-7.
If you have a drink mixer or a grinder, just put the garlic, ginger, Serrano and tomato paste in there and blend them together. I add a little water to the mix.
 
Heat remaining 3 T oil in stock pot (medium high heat). 
Add onions and potatoes until tender and caramelized. Making sure the potatoes are mushy is the longest part. Stir, stir, stir.
 
Add cauliflower and mix... and mix.
 
 
Add ingredients 11-13, plus 1 teaspoon salt, scraping brown bits from bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon. 
 
Bring to boil over medium high heat stirring occasionally until vegetables are tender. 
 
Stir in peas and heavy cream and continue to cook about 10 more minutes. Taste.
 
Season with salt to taste and enjoy!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Saturday, May 24, 2014

Dressing Room Reveal

About a year ago, I turned the guest bedroom into my very own dressing room.

Oh.my.word... it's been the best thing! I love it so much.

I wanted a space that was just mine.

It is one of the most enriching experiences to get ready for my day...

So.. without further ado... here is ... the dressing room reveal:



 
This is a towel rack.
Hung double ring shower hooks to hold my jewelry.
 

 
 
Shoe rack/ bookcase... grabbed from the neighbor's trash pile.


 
 
My dressing/accessories area.


 
 

 
 
The sofa has a pull out bed so we can still host guests.


 
 
These are not all of my clothes.. they are some of my favorite pieces and clothes I'll wear in the upcoming week. It's fun rotating my clothes every week. I wear almost all of my career clothes and utilize the dressier pieces for casual/career wear.


 
 
Having all my jewelry out and displayed is awesome!!


 
 
I cannot wear these shoes.. the heels are too high and they are unforgiving... but they're soo pretty!!!

 

 
 
My tribute to Phantom of the Opera. I love this music box sooo much. My man got this for me for Christmas...
 
  
 
Every girl should have their own dressing room. It makes life grand!!!

 


Friday, May 9, 2014

MUSIC REVIEW: Shine On


Sarah McLachlan: (n.) a beautiful, timeless being with a haunting voice that sears into your heart.
















Listening to her new album, Shine On.




















It does not disappoint. It's everything you'd expect with a few tidbits of new jazz sounds as she continues to evolve in her music.

This is an album that would serve as a canvas for the swanky dinner parties at dusk. I picture little candlelit tables all around, fireflies dancing about outside, the smell of jasmine, roses and hyacinths spilling all around.

This is one I would listen to during a relaxing bubble bath as I travel all around these melodies.. these stories.. these feet that take me to new and familiar places.




My favorite songs:

In Your Shoes:
"Time for you to walk out walk in your own shoes
Lay down your footprints wherever you choose"


I have yet to do this after all these years. To walk out in my shoes, be who I am without all these masks, accessories, costumes, scripts. I die slowly a little everyday pretending.

"You’ve got a light that always guides you
You speak of hope and change as something good
Live your truth and know you’re not alone"

 









Beautiful Girl:
"I know the world can be cruel, pretty girl
You’re gonna make it ’cause you’ve got love on your side"


I so needed to hear this the last couple days...

"One thing that I know
Is it will get better…
"


The Sound That Love Makes:
Immediately I was tapping my feet and swaying in my chair when this song came on.
Very Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson feel to it.

I'm still swaying..

What's It Gonna Take:

Another song that was speaking to me!

"What’s it gonna take to make me worthy
What’s it gonna take to make me strong.."


"What’s it gonna take to lift the darkness
What’s it gonna take to light my way
I have so much to give I’ve only just begun to live.."


"How will I believe and see this through
When I feel so unready and I feel so alone.."



Little B:

Precious lullaby!
So sweet.
I plan on learning every word and singing it to my little boy blue.

I love this verse so much:
"I will treasure these years
Of our borrowed time
As much as I want it
I know you’re not mine.."


No.. he's not mine.. he belongs to the Almighty God. I have the honour of loving him and guiding him through this life. In return, I might have a chance to understand .."as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is..." - Ephesians 3:18




Honorable Mention: Monsters

Another fun swaying rhythm. Really enjoy the lyrics and melody on this one.

"And don’t you know that there’s a wolf stalking in sheep’s
clothing tells me he’s the real thing
Think what your life would be missing
if you didn’t have him to sing
To sing about... "

Hmmm....


Honorable Mention: Broken Heart
Oh! This is a GOOD one...

"How long? How long?

I should be thinking with my head
and not with my broken heart
Look to the future for all it’s got and not to us being apart..."


I so wish I could give her a big hug.







Monday, May 5, 2014

dreams deferred

Building a marriage and family
I somehow thought..
it would end my loneliness

I'm still here
There
In the empty school parking lot

My parents dumped me off
They were too busy with other things

I was the burden
Undesirable

I couldn't speak
say what I wanted
needed

No.

I give.. EVERYTHING
every
ounce
I
Have

And I'm still alone

Empty
in
the
parking lot




Saturday, May 3, 2014

Hiatus

Ok, so I know I've been absent for awhile.

I'm working on it.

It's hard.

Everyday I want to write. I want to be free.

I get scared... of.. EVERYTHING.

Of.. people knowing the real me.

I just... I just... don't know if I can.

I am working on it.

trying to write everyday.

I know it will propel me forward in ways I never imagined.

I know it will be worth the sacrifice.

I'm looking down and almost ready to jump in.

ALMOST.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Writer

I see the world through different eyes
Life’s song in various melodies and proofs
Beauty in the ashes of destruction
Hope amidst the storms
Peace in the chaos
I relay the words, thoughts, and gifts
I give my heart, myself through these words
I am… the writer.
 
 

Saturday, March 8, 2014

On Divorce

I am a child of divorce, an innocent bystander at the age of eleven, a casualty of war.
 
There's no real way to describe the terror and destruction left behind:
The pain,
the guilt,
the anger...
remains long after they have left this world.
 
I heard a sermon that helped me see outside of myself, outside of my pain and gain a perspective on the other side: my mother's side of this whole thing.
 
I never gave her much credit while she was living. I never valued her then... or now. 
She was a victim of a mental illness. Although she couldn't help the way she behaved, it still hurt and paralyzed me.
 
I respond in mean and hurtful ways to those that love me because of the years of abuse I endured. It's clear now to me that I fear acceptance, love and family. Somewhere in this brain I am afraid this will all come crashing down and explode; leaving me again amongst the ruins. I walk around with reptilian skin... anyone who touches me will be poisoned with my venom.
 
I never thought of her and her pain of rejection when my dad wanted a divorce. Even when they got back together a couple years later, she was still haunted... I can see how it killed her inside. She was dead long before she passed away years ago.
 
I have trouble honoring her in a meaningful way... then again she's another poor soul, a victim, another casualty of war.
 
Someday, I will let it all go and shed this skin.
 
 
 
 

Monday, February 10, 2014

The script

These days are fatigued and long
Anticipation, then dread.

I wish I had a script
A character to get into
A plan of action
Makeup and wardrobe

Then I remembered..
I do have a script.
It's been there all along..
In fact I have about 11 of the same scripts:

 
 
 
Putting my head and heart in the word these next couple weeks. Hiding it in my heart and wielding it as a weapon when the storm comes.